It’s already been one year since you passed.

Life without you hasn’t been the same, and that’s a severe understatement. So much has happened while you were gone, and every time something did happen, I couldn’t wait to tell you, but I couldn’t.

Your favorite shows and new movies that came out and are still coming have been fantastic. It’s such a shame that you haven’t seen them because you would be gaping at the surprises and twists that entertainment has. I miss the recommendations that we would watch together.

I turned 21, and I had my first legal drink with mom, Jenna, and even Aunt Sherri. I haven’t eaten anything that day, so drinking alcohol and having no food? Oof, we were waiting for a table to open up, so we all decided to go to the bar, and let me tell you, I was tipsy and having a grand ole time. I am upset I never had my first drink with you. My first drink with my old man would have been the happiest I think I could be. I can handle my liquor so well.

Jenna graduated with her master’s, and oh, she was happy. The US Open by Citii field was awesome looking. I really want to see a tennis match sometime. We were on the balcony, and trying to find her was hard. I had the camera to get shots of her, and I did her justice. She did look like a sim waving to the player, but her name was called, and I screamed the loudest and was scaring people around us. She did it. She graduated from college with her bachelor’s and masters.

Moxy, oh boy, that cat is really something else. You two would have gotten along really well and possibly on your nerves, depending on how she acted. I think she could have been your best friend, and the snuggles you would have had together. It would annoy mom less if you kept it company and distracted. It really is a shame that you never met her in person. But I am delighted I showed you her on facetime just a few weeks before you were gone. You were so excited.

I transferred schools because of you. After venting to you about my life in Rhode Island, you made me realize how much I missed everyone and pushed me to apply again for Pace even though, as a joke, I never thought I would go through with it. After researching it, Pace is finally supporting what I need to build my career and find out what I could do in life if I never attended Pace University.

Love. That’s a complicated word. I met a boy and dated this boy. It didn’t last long, only about a month. It turns out he had someone else. I wasn’t heartbroken. Was I upset? Not at first, but mostly just really annoyed. I couldn’t help but enjoy his presence. He was charming and kind and liked me for how I was. How I met him? It was a funny story… He was one of my friend’s neighbors, so I had the boy-next-door type, which made life more bright. I can’t wait until it happens again. I got a taste, and I am ready for more.

The three of us? Honestly, I feel like life hasn’t been fair to us since you were gone. You were really our good luck charm especially having a clover tattoo somewhere on your body. Life has been dim and quiet. No television is always on, no sports, no turner classic movies, no humming or grunting randomly, just an empty spot on the couch where you would always be.

We celebrated your birthday and got your favorite cake. Strawberry shortcake. It felt empty that day. Dim. We didn’t go anywhere. We celebrated at home.

I haven’t cried much since your funeral, just here or there. I knew how your health was, and in the back of my mind, I was always preparing for death. Never this soon, but I thought well off in my late 30s or early 40s. I was listening to Somewhere Only We Know by Keane, and that song reminded me of you and everything we did together. I started bawling, crying a horrid cry, and wouldn’t stop for 30 minutes. In the end, I was numb, and a headache was coming on. That could have been every time I didn’t. It all came at once.

I was you’re co-captain in the vehicle. We would go everywhere together. Nothing was impossible; the end goal was to get something to eat. Does that mean leaving the state? Oh yes. Amores! *laughs in Italian* We would travel near or far, but it will always be my best memories of us, taking each restaurant one menu at a time.

You are always there for me. Your opinion means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me. You left not by choice, but you left your best friend behind in a world that he is not really to navigate, even though it seems like it at times. I miss you every minute of every single day until death. That promise I can make. I love you, buddy, shit stain, old man, and Dad.